Eurythmics "Touch" [1983]

Everyone knows the 80s were fakest, most shallow years in relatively modern existence, but if you think it's wise giving this era a pass on overtly pretentious recording techniques -- especially when the previous decade had given us Queen, Led Zeppelin and Frank Zappa -- then you haven't revisited Eurythmics for awhile. Amazingly, the flat programmed drums, garishly beglittered keyboard passes, whole string orchestrations, and over-baked hired session hacks turn "Touch" (and, let's face it, all Eurythmics music) into the busiest, most meaningless two-dimensional musical canvas you'd ever have the misfortune to hear. Annie Lennox's voice sounds like the gayest man this side of Alison Moyet, but if that seems like a compliment to you, consider that all the filler of this album sounds like it was swept out of Yaz's back alley, thus nullifying whatever pleasure might have been had by 10% of society. So there you have it: homosexually ornate to a fault, yet strictly corporate business-minded; "Touch" is the Reagan era in a nutshell. No wonder Annie's wearing a mask on the cover.