Ke$ha "Cannibal" [2010]

Looking for something to relieve your annoyance of Lady Gaga and Lana Del Ray? Ke$ha fits the bill nicely -- as in horribly -- the same way hitting yourself in the head with a hammer will make you temporarily forget about your hemorrhoids. This is a grotesquely unholy combo of generic club dance beats with the worst aspects of the Spice Girls' combined attitudes and through the voice of that yodel-yelping chick from The Cranberries, made worse by aggressive auto-tuning vocal effects (the modern contemporary music version of smallpox). This is bubblegum for pervs and nasty-minded girls, most of whom only share Ke$ha's viewpoint with each other in the safety of their suburban bedrooms. Anyone who readily carries out even half of what this dim-witted attention-seeking fake-urban twat condones on "Cannibal" -- without even remotely considering the actual cannibalism part -- wouldn't last long outside the club in one piece, and more tragically: everyone would say she had it coming. But peel off the heavy makeup and ridiculous costuming and it's pretty clear this obsessively ambitious young woman who spells her name with a dollar symbol (because, y'know, money!) is attempting to cross Lily Allen with Kanye West, but she keeps coming out like the Cake guy's obnoxious little sister who tries to talk black when she gets too drunk. Still holding out any hope for the Millennial generation? You won't after listening to this.