Neon Trees "Picture Show" [2012]

This has got to be some sort of world's record: the longest string of pop-rock hit-makers in a row that are completely indiscernible from one another, from My Chemical Fun. to Death Cab for Killers. Neon Trees are probably the latest in this long line, but who can really tell? Everyone involved in each of these bands is a commercial jingles hack going the "serious" route of the big-label music industry... and their ultimate goal is to have their single selected for a commercial jingle. It would be poetic justice if it weren't so sad. But this is commercial jingle music that has a crystal-clear, simplistic philosophy: "the ambitious uniformity of the 80s is the correct aesthetic," because the ultimate target here is not young music-lovers, but young people who actually couldn't give a shit about music. Those are the people desperate and insecure enough to make sure they go with all the cool people they know to the absurdly-expensive Ticketbastard concerts and download all the iTunes at $1.29 a pop, just to prove they fit in. I guess it's just as well kids don't really appreciate history; if they did, they'd feel infinitely cheated by disinfected, disaffected junk like this. Perhaps one day they'll learn to boo things like "Picture Show" and throw their gum back at the screen; until then, we're stuck with the 3-D printer for our new pop music, like we are with all the new guns.