Fall Out Boy "From Under the Cork Tree" [2005]

How do you know heavy metal is over as a viable music form? When spoiled Midwestern rich kids from the Aughts get in on the act. Thanks a lot, Queens of the Stone Age -- you gave all these guys hope they never should have had. Fall Out Boy's "From Under the Cork Tree" is the soundtrack from that ill-advised road trip you took with those baseball-hatted morons that felt like would never end. Partly that's because their pot was pretty primo, but what a shame to waste a good high on false emotion and processed guitar impact. Far from avoiding the abysmal Mutt Lange techniques imparted on 80s faux-metal assheads like Def Leppard, bands like Fall Out Boy -- or, to be clear, their record company reps (likely friends of one of their uncle's) -- actually embraced them. Everything Green Day is embarrassed about in their own major-label work is actually considered a virtue by Fall Out Boy. And they're well-studied on the styles they ape and capitalize on -- there are even elements of 90s grunge sell-outs the Lemonheads here. Why they're not doing duets with Rhianna these days or opening for Cirque de Soleil in Vegas I can only guess. Perhaps they finally realized the same thing I did halfway through the first song on this album: Fall Out Boy should just be tucked back in; hopefully no one will comment on what just happened here.