Led Zeppelin "Led Zeppelin II" [1969]

As if the horrid bombast of this band's debut wasn't enough for a single year, Jimmy Page managed to throw together a few soundcheck riffs and solos to cobble the follow up to Led Zeppelin's initial offering -- one that made legions of actual bluesmen and women give up the music scene out of sheer disgust. Look up "ham-fisted" in the dictionary and you'll find a picture of this band. Apparently music fans from the late 60s were scrambling to escape the "weed-smoking country music" aesthetic of the time, and settled for having their brains bashed in by this group of limey Satan-worshipping criminals. How to describe the misguidedness of a song like "Whole Lotta Love" -- a 5 1/2-minute "single" featuring a campy haunted house breakdown that makes about as much sense as if Alice Cooper had recorded "Welcome to My Nightmare" with a middle section of porn music? Elsewhere, Page's brittle fingers are incapable of getting through any guitar solos without tripping into a heap of ineptitude. And all this before remarking on the shrieking phony viking Robert Plant having absolutely zero worldview that he didn't rip-off from Willie Dixon (in later albums, his worldview would expand to "being a rock star who ripped off Willie Dixon" and "Hobbit fan"). Between these twits and drunken molester John Bonham, John Paul Jones would surely have resigned in his own sheer disgust had this band not been right in the sweet-spot of reaping tons of money from stupid American teenagers.