Seal ("Seal II") [1994]

Following in the footsteps of fellow Brit-popster douchebag Peter Gabriel, the guy who lets himself be called Seal didn't bother naming his second album release, which came after his inexplicable freak hit "Crazy" from his debut (called "Crazy" because it was crazy-overproduced). Perhaps the most inexcusably coddled pop singer of the 90s, Seal caught all the breaks right away -- no kicking around London pubs scrounging low-paying gigs for him, he was instantly lavished with infinitely expensed studio time and all the muscle of a major-label push on at least two major continents. Makes me think he must know where his label exec buried the dead hooker. Endlessly overbaked by Trevor Horn, the producer who turned 70s prog-wankers Yes into 80s teeny-bopper fodder, "Seal II" is egregiously ornate as it is sentimentally maudlin. In short, exactly what shallow people who don't really like music buy up in droves. Seal couldn't have been more divorced from either the grunge or hip-hop aesthetics of the day if he tried, and still he wound up world famous. In fact, this guy was Wayne Brady before Wayne Brady was. Perhaps in the world of major label pop corporatism this makes perfect sense; all I can do is shake my head and contemplate the horsehoe stuck in this propped-up minor talent's ass.