The Jesus and Mary Chain "Psycho Candy" [1985]

These feckless poseurs have got to be grateful for the existence of the Sex Pistols -- nobody else are as big of self-centered dickfaces as The Jesus and Mary Chain. On their bland and washed-out echo-chamber distortion debut "Psycho Candy," the band had already arrived fully "developed": it's the sound of bleached acetate on 60s garage rock master tapes, run over a few times and slowed down to a snoozer tempo. That grossly noncommittal Gen-X "aesthetic" where only wishy-washy opinions are hip is pushed to its limits with these guys who can't be bothered to raise their voices above an annoyed whisper nor change the effects of their guitars; it's a conceit largely on display in the early-mid 90s, so these guys were at least ahead of their time in one way -- just not one worthwhile, in any sense of the word. They don't even sound like they really did any drugs, just like they're pretending to be high while they make sure their hair looks just right. Even their rocker tracks are boring as shit; Iggy Pop snores in a deep sleep with more fire than these indie pseudo-cool guys display on "Psycho Candy." Yet somehow they managed to influence other phony dope-head phony rockers like The Church and Love and Rockets, though those bands at least had brains enough not to bury everything underneath the white noise. Even this many years later, I totally want to beat the shit out of these guys; I finally understand where Phil Spector got the impetus to start killing people.