Beach Boys "Pet Sounds" [1966]

Sappily sentimental enough to gross out any unicorn-and-rainbow illustrator, the Beach Boys' lauded "masterpiece" entitled "Pet Sounds" was edgy as an Easter egg and unpretentious as the Taj Mahal. That any record label would sign off on such overly articulated bullshit says a lot about both how much everyone feared The Beatles cornering the market on sonic preciousness to sell to grandma and the level of drugs music executives were ingesting in the mid-60s. Basically, any warmth generated in "Pet Sounds" by Brian Wilson's plaintive girly voice is cancelled out by the ice-cold effects utilized in the production throughout. Add to this overcompensating instrumentation, stilted doo-wop harmonies and a seemingly infinite number of found sounds that serve no musical purpose save those no one on a debilitating amount of hallucinogens could comprehend, and it would become crystal clear to anyone: surf music never sounded so boring. Far from being a classic, this album is one big wipe-out.