Pavement "Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain" [1994]

Here they are: the worst band ever. Ever. EVER. No exaggeration -- nobody sucks worse than these limp-dick spoiled brats. You know your grandma who thought Nirvana was the most offensive-sounding thing she'd ever heard? To her, Nirvana sounded like this album actually does. Music tracks warble through sludge like a hangover twice as bad as you've ever experienced, and S. Malkmus' mangled-goat voice is so snotilly pitch-challenged, rancid and ugly, it's enough to make Wayne Coyne commit suicide. To then have the audacity to swagger coolly through track after track like they've earned any right to express themselves "musically" is downright homicide-inducing. That Malkmus remains unmurdered to this point proves no one has apparently gotten through "Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain" all the way yet. I certainly couldn't do it, and I don't intend to try for the remainder of my existence.