Rod Stewart "Every Picture Tells a Story" [1971]

The biggest sell-out in the history of anything, hands down. But back in the early 70s, when people still thought Rod Stewart was cool, he released "Every Picture Tells a Story," and the lazy fat-fucks of classic rock radio haven't let it alone ever since. But if you pay attention, Rod is already busy selling out aspects of contemporary music at this early date: recycling acoustic Stones and Led Zep riffs with all the subtlety of Humble Pie (the band, not the metaphor), stealing whole songs from Van Morrison, bastardizing Elvis and crucifying a church hymn staple -- all within just the first 4 songs! Jesus Christ, the guy even rips off Dylan's "yes'n"s from "Blowin' in the Wind"! So you see there was already no level to which Rod Stewart wouldn't stoop, and prior to this incarnation, he'd sold out Jeff Beck, sending the guitarist careening into ill-advised fusion bullshit. And what did Rod give back to pop music after taking so much from it? The impetus for "To All the Girls I've Loved Before." You know, I, for one, never believed all the rumors about Rod needing his stomach pumped because it contained seven ounces of sperm, but upon revisiting this "classic" album, I'm starting to rethink that maybe he did -- after sucking himself off.