Crowded House "Crowded House" [1986]

OK, I get it -- apparently Loverboy started listening to some Alex Chilton tapes. No? Actually, Crowded House's self-titled debut album is the offshoot of Aussie/Kiwi (difference? anybody?) new wavers Split Enz (great name... if you want to make girls self-conscious about their hair), given a phony American heartland treatment. It actually worked. Because in the 80s they allowed pop groups to display the sunshine shooting out their asses (see: Waves, Katrina and the), nobody at the time found this cloying collection of smiley-faced boy pop the least bit offensive. Just when you thought the Reagan Era couldn't have gotten more clueless! Crowded House tries to win points coming off like Spandau Ballet without all the gay glitter, but ultimately this is dorm music for dweebs. Nobody's gonna knock on your door when you crank this crap unless it's to tell you to grow some hair on your nuts. Brothers Neil and Tim Finn do their utmost to try to approximate INXS, but they struggle mightily to free themselves from all the rainbows and unicorns. Let's assume you find something interesting about Elvis Costello (I don't see it myself, but whatever) -- take that away and it's what "Crowded House" delivers. Geez, I never thought I'd clamor for the plastic edge of Howard Jones until I listened to this.