Leonard Cohen "I'm Your Man" [1988]

OK, the contest is officially over -- no matter how big an ass-head Bob Dylan ever was (or big a washout he'd have become by the late 80's) -- at least he never stooped to cheap Euro-disco synth bullshit to push his egocentric lyrics on the music-buying public like Leonard Cohen does on "I'm Your Man." Who the fuck rescued this guy from obscurity, and why the fuck did they do it? Cheap, phoney Georgio Moroder backing tracks with a trio of session-hack sisters as backup singers, Cohen proves he really has no level of depth he won't sink to -- his tuneless basso voice is a perfect testament to this, as well. He sounds like Nick Cave fronting Donna Summers' studio band after burning them out on drugs, probably the way Cohen was able to seduce all those starlets in the 60s, when he was still a pedestrian talent but mercifully only carried around an acoustic guitar with him instead. Even though he's approaching Viagra-taking age during the "I'm Your Man" sessions, his lechery has not left him. Every Barry White was able to suppress the drool coming out his face hole while in front of a microphone. Maybe Serge Gainsbourg wasn't -- and that's clearly what Cohen's going for here: an aging scumbag Jew trying to get in the pants of the most amount of pseudo-sophisticated hot babes in the cheapest way possible -- but what the world really needs is fewer Serge Gainsbourgs, not more of them who speak in different languages.