Katy Perry "Teenage Dream" [2010]

Yeah -- they had to call it "Teenage Dream" because "Sticky Sheets" was too vulgar, even as the reference was only technically provocative to the extent Katy Perry lies topless on a cloud of cotton candy on her album cover. Far less innocent is the cheaply conceived and expensively churned out production of the album's contents, all overblown party anthems barely concealing Perry's profound insecurities -- or, more likely, the highly researched profound insecurities among her high school fanbase demographic. How terrible it must be to have to exist as a female underclassman around this time: the bitchy cheerleaders have now become the pop stars, coldly ignoring their un-hot classmates and provoking older guys to text them pics of their dicks. (In retrospect, people like Katy Perry not only terrorize their schools but get to ruin politicians' careers, as well. How wonderful for all of us.) And for all the assertions she's really a responsible young woman just trying to maximize her youthful party years, her glossy, Autotuned lewdness was to lead directly to the otherworldy evil rise of Ke$ha, and for that Perry deserves a good, un-erotic spanking. Besides which, any high school bimbos content to follow her lead are going to eventually be subjected to morbidly embarrassing questions like: "What's that in your hair -- bubblegum or jizz?"