The Yardbirds "Five Live Yardbirds" [1964]

Being a music fan in the 60s must have really sucked. Nobody seemed to be able to get out of the way of the 1-4-5 chord progression; what the hell were you supposed to do if you were sick of the blues -- listen to goddamn Broadway soundtracks? Frank fucking Sinatra? Delta Blues sharecroppers played 1-4-5 for decades because they had no formal edumacation, but what the hell is the Yardbirds' excuse? Slipshod in both execution and recording method, there is zilch anyone could possibly glean from "Five Live Yardbirds" that might help inform why Eric Clapton would go on to have such a high-profile career. For instance, their pedestrian take on Howlin' Wolf's "Smokestack Lightning" drones on an excruciatingly long five and a half minutes, and you know what you get? Several -- several! -- Keith Relf harmonica solos while Clapton rings out tonic chords in the background. In fact, there are crappy harp solos infesting almost every track on this record. Unreal. As weak as the early Stones were as a rock 'n roll house band, the Yardbirds are a freaking joke by comparison. Second-rate rock 'n roll standards by a completely dispensable group of white London nobodies -- and when Clapton does finally get a solo, it's four bars long and buried way back in the mix. So who the fuck wrote "Clapton Is God" on that men's room wall? Knowing what we know about the guy today, Clapton must have written it himself.