Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Arctic Monkeys "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not" [2006]

With a worldview extending from the end of the stage all the way to the bar, Arctic Monkeys' "Whatever…" advances into the Aughts the tradition of pub-rock, that -- like most things English -- should have been ended long, long ago. Applying a lyrical technique of getting the groupie while heartlessly slagging her at the same time, this is a band of pale, pimply misfits who somehow think they're acting "punk" while they're actually just being "dicks." Ultimately it's probably the same thing, but unlike "classic" punk, good luck trying to wring anything worthwhile out of the contents of this album. Angry groove repetition alternating with ill-advised refrains and choruses you can't even sing a soccer-chant to (shit, even girly-men like Fun. can pull that off), it becomes crystal clear what Arctic Monkeys are so pissed about: they're totally lame and ugly, and they're never going to get any better or good looking. It's their fault for trying to make it in the first place; I hope they freeze their bananas off out there.

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