The White Stripes "White Blood Cells" [2001]

Just in case you needed a Cliffs Notes version of bad rock 'n roll, you can easily access The White Stripes' "White Blood Cells," a collection of partly-absorbed radio snippets from the aggressively amateurish Jack White and his ex, Meg White. Every trite riff your loser idle rock-fan mind can recall exists on this album, but we should all recoil from such reminders of how little we've done with our lives. That the White Stripes managed to ride this wave of garage pablum to fame and fortune is a deeply cruel irony only members of Generation X can truly appreciate. Why should it have been this easy for Jack White (let alone Meg, who's got to be the worst drummer since that chick from The Shaggs) to burp up 70s rock riffs like some drunk making a cassette demo that never gets listened to by anyone in any A&R office in the world, let alone released by a major label? Perhaps he's won the equivalent of the music industry lottery; he should be celebrated for this? Countdown to him going broke, I say.