Eagles "Hotel California" [1976]

Whatever Don Henley really meant when he was writing the lyrics to the title track of "Hotel California," its meaning has nevertheless solidified and resounded over the years: we're never going to get away from this stupid album. Tediously sterilized through song after song -- from Glen Frey's tacky, redneckish "New Kid in Town" to the gauche, self-celebrating "Life in the Fast Lane" -- it's abundantly clear these LA control freaks are snorting so much blow here they're making Steely Dan's nose bleed. By the way, when they're not faking Lynyrd Skynyrd (quite badly, I'll add), "Hotel California" is one enormous snooze-fest: 5-to-7-minute ballads of endless piano fluff and phony romanticism.  Add to the mix Joe Walsh's boozy slide guitar solos that sound like he's bobbing face-down in the swimming pool, and you'll start to wonder how the resulting tripe that is "Hotel California" didn't eventually wind up in the same Nowheresville as Linda Ronstadt albums.