Lana Del Rey "Born to Die" [2012]

Should you be one of those unfortunate souls who finds Lady Gaga too intellectual, there's always Lana Del Rey, a young woman who has probably never heard the word "chanteuse" before. She sings exactly like a stuffed animal would -- all cuddly nothingness -- even though her album implies depth by having it named "Born to Die." It doesn't deliver, but it's not her fault -- she's barely out of the scribbling-boyfriend's-name-on-the-notebook phase of her existence. When sweet young things like this act too adult, it brings to mind none other than Jon Benet Ramsey, who paid the ultimate price for posing as an age-of-consent slut. Then again, Jon Benet got off easy if what I envision Lana Del Rey's future will bring her comes true. Let's hope her nubile-runaway bit is just an act; otherwise we may see her picture on the back of a milk carton sooner than later.