Pretenders "Pretenders" [1979]

Not exactly the most articulate music genre, punk/new wave never comes off so confusingly mush-mouthed as when leather-tramp-with-a-kid Chrissie Hynde wraps her lips around a mic to murmur and whine all over her band's schitzo debut record. Lewd and carnal one minute with off-time garage-rock, Hynde constantly switches gears and attempts to croon pop ballads the next. The only consistency with this album is how pointless it all is, aside from her being a walking cautionary tale, not so much regarding her being an unwed mother in a rock band as a person trying to portray herself as both Madonna and whore within the new wave aesthetic, to whatever meager extent such a thing exists. The results are ghastly, with the takeaway being an extended demonstration of Hynde's ability to sing songs with a dick in her mouth. Her problem is not that she's a "pretender;" on the contrary, she's way too horrifyingly real.