Joni Mitchell "Blue" [1971]

Could have just as easily been titled "Hormonal Overkill." Joni Mitchell's "Blue" -- long considered a classic recording of honest femininity -- is actually Exhibit A in why the listening public of the early 1970s turned to Grand Funk in droves for their music preferences: to escape the endless hug of emotional neediness and intimate complicity this album insists on loading down its listener with. I feel guilty not having bought flowers for Joni after hearing this… which is a shitty feeling to have for someone I've never met before. She's actually a big, selfish jerk for trying to wring such tenderness from those unlucky enough to have been introduced to "Blue." Beyond this record, she eventually veered into complex jazz wankerisms, and fell nearly Andy-Kaufman-silent after that failed career turn, aside from having garbage thrown at her onstage at Live Aid. Blame the existence of "Blue" for the ultimate occurrence of that indignity, and don't feel bad about any Joni Mitchell vinyl you feel compelled to smash.